I was an early reader. By the age of two, I could recognize characters. At three, I was already reading newspapers. In kindergarten, I often brought books with me and read stories to other children. In early 1980s China, this was something teachers and neighbors found curious, even magical. I was praised as a “gifted child,” a label that arrived before I understood its cost.
Because I spent most of my time at home reading, I never truly learned how to play with children my own age. When I started school, I did not know how to socialize in the “expected” ways. For reasons of convenience and safety, my family kept my hair cut very short, almost like a young monk’s. This continued into my first and second years of primary school. My appearance, combined with strong academic performance, made me stand out among my peers, but that visibility was not always kind. I experienced jealousy and teasing from neighboring girls.
Reading brought me loneliness, but it also gave me refuge. Books became both shelter and compass. Through reading, I formed an early and enduring belief: to be a kind and upright person, and to face an imperfect world with openness rather than malice. This belief became especially important as I entered adolescence. Even when girls who teased me later needed help, I chose to help them.
In middle school, one of my classmates, also highly talented but socially awkward, became the target of discrimination. He was isolated by teachers and classmates whose attitudes were shaped by prejudice. In response, I moved my desk next to his. This decision led to rumors and social pressure within the school, but I have never regretted it.
All of these early choices shaped me. They taught me that integrity is not an abstract moral concept, but a position one must consistently uphold, often at personal cost. This disposition followed me into adulthood. As a graduate student, an international student, and later a professional working abroad, I confronted harassment and discrimination based on age and nationality, as well as corruption and sexual harassment from those in positions of power. I refused to cooperate, refused to remain silent, and refused to benefit from systems that demanded my compliance. Each time, I remembered the girl who learned early that acceptance from others is unstable, while self-acceptance and the courage to move forward are foundational.
If I name myself as my own girlhood heroine, it is not out of pride, but recognition. I became who I am by choosing, again and again, not to betray my heart, and by believing in the person I knew myself to be.
-Liu G.